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Breaking Bad Habits: Do You Really Want Change? by Christopher George Certified Hypnotherapist Habits: so easy to develop but so hard to break. As a hypnotherapist, I work with many people trying to break a habit that they've had for years and some, even decades. As I tell my clients during the first session - in order to change a habit, you first must understand it. I've come to believe that all habits start with a basic desire to emulate somebody else. As a teenager, most of us want to be a "carbon copy" of the person we idolize. Then as we become older, advertisers with a false belief system bombard us through print and electronic media on a daily basis, subjecting us to a way of life as they see it (or would like us to see it). As an example consider smokers, before smoking advertisements on T.V. and in magazines were banned (Canada); we were subjected to various images of peace and serenity with cigarettes - the ultimate relaxation. How many of us still remember the lone cowboy sitting on his horse in the wild country smoking his cigarette? That advertisement hasn't been around since the 70's, but the majority of us still sees and remembers the image. If you ask smokers today why they smoke, they'd most probably tell you "it relaxes me", which is anything but the truth. Even if you show them studies proving nicotine stimulates rather than relaxes the body, the false belief that advertisers have given us will inevitably win out, its so imbedded into our subconscious. Even dieters are seduced with images of looking younger and being idolized if they buy and use a certain piece of athletic equipment or eating a certain diet product: all false beliefs. And don't forget the kids. Turn to any children's program on a Saturday morning and you'll see images of happy, ideal families playing together, all by just from eating certain fast foods. The truth is, advertisers feed on the idea that the two things every living creature wants are to be loved and to fit in, which according to the advertisers can all be obtained through the purchase of their product. Yeah right, as if that was only true. The first step for permanent change for a habit is to examine your own core beliefs. This can easily be accomplished by the following method. On a sheet of paper, put down the heading WHY. Now, being honest with yourself, why do you do those things (habits) that you want to change….why do you smoke?…why do you overeat? Do you smoke to relax? Do you overeat to feel "good" about yourself? List the reasons and when finished, examine them. You'll likely see a false belief imposed upon you by some advertiser from the past. The second step for permanent change is to understand that habits are nothing more than the linking up of two or more actions, together. As science has shown us, doing the same actions for 21 days or more in a row, establishes that pattern into our subconscious as a habit. The secret for change is not to eliminate that habit (and leaving a void), but to change those actions that are bad for us and to replace them with actions that are better for us. When smokers take a break and smoke, those two actions establish themselves as a habit, i.e. taking a break and smoking. You certainly wouldn't want to eliminate the break but you would want to eliminate the action, smoking. To determine your actions, I advise my clients to label a second sheet WHERE. Put down the places where you do those actions (the habits you want to change). As examples…do you smoke/overeat after work, do you smoke/overeat in the car, do you smoke/overeat in front of the T.V?….just list those places where you perform that habit that you want changed. Along the same line, start another sheet, labeling it WHEN. Now on this sheet, list the times when you do that habit. Do you smoke/overeat when feeling stressed? Do you smoke/overeat when you have nothing better to do? Again, listing as many whens as possible. Now in those short steps you've examined your WHY, WHERE and WHENs for your habit. You're now starting to understand your habit. Now comes the time to create a concrete action plan to change those "bad" actions you've identified. I tell people that you wouldn't plan a car trip without first planning which correct routes to take. It's the same for changing habits, mapping out actions which will help you reach your goal. As stated earlier, you can't eliminate habits or actions by will power alone. The void you create will last only for a few days, then you're back to the same problem you had (yo-yo dieters will tell you this!). Will power just doesn't work for the majority of us. Go back to the three sheets you started (WHY, WHERE and WHEN) and under the list you created for each one, put down a sub-title labeled OPTIONS. Create new actions (options) that are doable for you. As an example, lets say you said on the WHY sheet you smoked to relax. Find an alternative action to replace that action, smoking, but still get the benefit. Maybe you'll go for a walk instead. But it's important to make the actions doable. Don't say you're going to run a marathon if you've never ever run before. Otherwise you'll become disillusioned and defeated before you start. But it is OK to say that each night you're going to go for a walk in order for you to build strength and stamina so you can work up to running and then doing a marathon in the future, if that action is of interest to you. Do the same for your WHERE and WHEN sheets. Create new options of interest to replace that "bad" action (smoking, overeating etc) with an action that will benefit you. Now I've used smoking and overeating as examples only but the same plan will work for any habit that you want to change. Examine it, understand it and then create an action plan. By doing all the above, you're more than halfway to creating a new you. Christopher George is a certified hypnotherapist working in Burlington Ontario Canada. Chris's new motivational CD for smoking cessation entitled "Butt Out" can be ordered by contacting Chris at (905) 631-5531 or by email at hypnosisworks@sympatico.ca. |